The BBAT/SPIN
What are the minimum qualifications for dating anyone? That's a question that has been left up to philosophers, theologians, and game-show hosts since the beginning of known civilization.
Until now.
One of Jess's friends, known to posterity only as Buddy Butler, invented the BBAT/SPIN while describing a girl to one of his friends as "smart, pretty, interesting, and nice." Gary, the other friend, replied that those are vague adjectives that could be applied -- and should be applied -- to any friend. Anyone who can't meet these most basic of requirements is not friend material, says Gary. And thus the BBAT/SPIN was born.
BBAT stands for "Buddy Butler Aptitude Test"; SPIN stands for "Smart, Pretty, Interesting, Nice": the minimum qualifications for anyone to be a friend. Buddy gets sick of hearing about the BBAT/SPIN every time he and Gary are together with people. Gary wants only to introduce the world to the BBAT/SPIN. I would suggest that the BBAT/SPIN should be applied to people one would want to date, not necessarily to all friends. Gary demands that his friends be aesthetically pleasing. I don't know if I require the same qualifications. At least when I'm checking out the ladies, I demand that they meet the qualifications for the BBAT/SPIN. I'm all about the holistic approach.
Comments
The only requirement I have for my friends is that they don't charge more than $13 if I want to be seen in public with them. Friends are expensive, but Mark would know that, since he hasn't had any friends since the . . . well, ever. You see, Mark has this strange disease that causes him to get all excited whenever anyone talks to him, because he gets so little social interaction. Then when he responds, all he can do is spew all over them. Then he runs away crying, usually covered in his own vomit and also wetting himself as well. I know it's gross, but that's why most of his friends are internet friends. Come yo think of it, he doesn't have any of those either, because he tosses his cookies whenever he hears that IM beep too.
Posted by: Bud-dy | December 26, 2004 10:15 PM
Excuse me BUD-DY, but Mark does have some friends but they wear maks so he doesn't leave because if he did, he would start to eat brocilli and celery which would result in "vegetableitus". This is where when a person sees another human face, he starts to eat gross vegetables which scares them away. And believe me, his friends aren't cheap, they charge $50-$100 to be seen with him but he doesn't care, a friend is a friend to Mark. And he needs friends because all day he is hunched over the computer, bringing you these wonderful articles.
Posted by: Harry Potter | December 27, 2004 10:06 PM
Friend good. Mark friend bad. Mark bad friend. Okay, so it's not the most original thing in the world ... get a job you hippies!
Posted by: Wolf | January 13, 2005 6:38 PM