(1) Verizon Wireless

I'm better off using tin cans and string. I can't talk for four minutes before I'm disconnected! And I'm standing still! Not doing anything! This is no way to run a cellular phone company. In Europe, the technology is light-years head of what we have here. Why can't the most powerful country in the world have cell phone service that doesn't crap out every five minutes?

(2) Intelligent design advocates

Who are they kidding? It's just creationism in disguise. They failed in the '80s when they tried to get creation into science classrooms, as the Supreme Court said, "No dice." Then they regrouped and came up with a new plan: intelligent design, which is as much science as Alf is President of Uganda. It's nothing more than a marketing scheme: sow some seeds of doubt amongst the people, take advantage of the fact that the gum-chewing public knows nothing about how science actually works, and pretend that there's some sort of "controversy" within the scientific community about evolution. Yeah, and there's controversy about whether or not gravity is real or the Lord Jesus Christ just affixed double-sided tape to our feet. The jury's still out on that one!

(3) Traffic in Denver

Everyone here drives like an old lady! In a 55 mph zone, I guarantee you that half the people are doing 45. There's no excuse for this! Plus, there's always traffic. From 3 PM to 7 PM, it's rush hour. For four hours! So if I want to go anywhere, it will take me twice as long than it would any other time of day.

(4) Commercials before movies

I didn't pay six bucks to learn about how great Coca-Cola is, or how much I need a new SUV. I like the movie trailers because they're something I haven't seen before. I know what commercials look like, and I hate them. I don't need to see them again on a twenty-five-foot screen (well, golly, if they're bigger, then they must be better!).

(5) Companies that use DRM

Look, buddy; it's my music. I bought it. So don't tell me how to use it. Copyright law doesn't give you the authority to tell me when, where, and how I can watch or listen to the content that I bought. The more DRM you pack onto a CD or an MP3, the more I'm going to avoid your content like the plague.

(6) Neo-cons

They finally did it: they got middle America to vote themselves into the poorhouse. Under the guise of religion, the Neo-con party (formerly the Republican Party) has usurped everyone in the United States. If you're the CEO of a giant, multinational corporation, then you vote Republican because you know that the Republicans will help your company out, since you donated thirty million dollars to the RNC. If you're a Democrat, but you're a Christian, then the neo-cons will use the fear of gays or abortion to get you to side with them. "If you vote Democrat, the queers will pass a law requiring you to be sodomized by RuPaul every night of the week!" Or, "If you vote Democrat, the godless communist abortionists will mandate that everyone must have abortions. And godless anal sex will be the law of the land!" So, the God-fearing Democrats voted Republican, and in the process, voted to screw themselves over. The rich get richer, the middle class shrinks, and the poor get poorer. And Karl Rove goes home at night and supplicates himself before the altar of Satan while Ann Coulter dresses up in bondage gear and whips Sean Hannity unconscious (but that's okay, because he likes it). Has America gone stupid? Don't Americans know what's going on?

(7) George W. Bush

Okay, this is an extension of (6), but he deserves his own category. First, the guy is a moron. He brags about how he doesn't read very much. He has people summarize important issues for him because he either can't be bothered to learn about an issue for himself or because he's too stupid to learn about an issue for himself. Then he proceeds to appoint people to important positions for which those people are extremely unqualified. Now, every administration has experienced cronyism, but the cronies are usually in unimportant positions, like Ambassador to Micronesia or Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Housing and Urban Affairs. But Michael Brown? Harriet Miers? These are people who were (or will be) in important positions, and they were (or are) incredibly unqualified for the job. Oh, and George W. Bush was chosen by Karl Rove to be the next president not because he was smart, but because Karl Rove could meld him into a candidate that appeared good. And George W. Bush looks like a monkey, the way he furls his brow sometimes as he desperately tries to remember a talking point that someone told him to mention during a Q&A session.

(8) People who drive SUVs but have no reason for doing so

If you have thirty-seven kids to haul around, then go buy an SUV. Arnold Schwarzenegger owns eight Hummers. That's profane. Just because he's a killer cyborg from the future doesn't mean he shouldn't respect the environment of our own time period. Seriously, folks, the world's natural resources are becoming depleted, and with China an up-and-coming industrial superpower, the oil is going to run out a lot faster. It's time for Detroit to get with the program.

Is there something you hate? Something you want to complain about? Add a comment. We must all gripe together, or must assuredly, we shall gripe separately.