The charges facing Tom DeLay are so baseless and frivolous that a Texas court has issued a warrant for his arrest. Not only is Ronnie Earle a partisan witch-hunter, and not only are the two grand juries that indicted him partisan witch-hunters, but the judge who issued the warrant is also a partisan witch-hunter. Clearly, DeLay is 100% not guilty of the charges facing him, and clearly all of the twenty-plus people who believe that DeLay has committed a crime are being bribed by George Soros.

The warrant was issued after a detective with the Acme Detective Agency identified DeLay after conducting several interviews with people at visitors centers and museums around the country. Witnesses described the suspect as having "mahogany tresses" and that "he was wearing a Talking Heads T-shirt" and carried cave-climbing equipment. He also asked where he could get some huevos rancheros. After entering this information into an Acme CrimeNet computer, the suspect was identified as Tom DeLay and a warrant issued for his arrest. The detective then proceeded to Austin, Texas, where, instead of finding informants, the detective found a knife being thrown at his head and a flowerpot that nearly landed on him. At the third location he visited in Austin, the detective found DeLay and arrested him. The detective would have been promoted to Senior Inspector after successfully capturing DeLay, but he could not identify the first letter of the third word on the first line on page 672 of his Fodor's USA travel guide.