We´re coming to the end of my fabulous six-week stay in the country of brotherly love, and as I prepare to leave Spain and return to the United States, I muse over the things I´ve seen while I have been here.

First of all, Spain is pathetic. Pathetic in the sense that a puppy with a broken leg limping after you with a sad look on its face is pathetic. The Spanish people are obsessed with the past, and they are obsessed with things that once made them great. That´s why figurines or statues of Don Quixote or Miguel de Cervantes are everywhere: it´s probably the most famous thing to come out of Spain that is still popular and relevant today, and they´re going to wring every last drop of utility out of it.

As you´d learn in any Spanish history class, Spain was a tired shell of what it once was by 1898. The Spanish-American War sealed its fate as the rest of Spain´s colonies -- the Phillipines, Cuba, and Puerto Rico -- became U.S. property and the chapter closed on an empire that once ruled the world with its wealth and its navy. The Civil War of 1936 didn´t help, either; it put Spain in the clutches of a dictator that took the place back to the 19th century in terms of sumptuary laws and effectively removed Spain from the rest of the world through economic protection and political alienation. Spain didn´t join the Common Market or even NATO until 1986. Like the Russia of old, Spain was out of the loop during the post-war boom era. It´s gotten a lot better since 1978, when the new constitution was written, but it remains one of the poorest member nations of the European Union.

Second, this country is dominated by tourism. I think the city of Toledo would shut down if there weren´t tourists. There are gift shops and museums everywhere, all designed to cater to tourists. The message that this tourist economy gives off is, "Come see the greatness of what we used to be -- for only €1.50. Then come see the gift shop of the greatness of what we used to be." The 1300-year history of the city of Toledo can be summed up in an El Greco calendar, a 12" Don Quixote figurine, or a replica of a sword once used by Carlos V. That last image is, I think, the most striking: the replica sword. Spain is a replica sword, a not-so-dangerous imitation of what it used to be, designed to appeal to tourists.

Don´t get me wrong: Spain is a great place . . . to vacation. As for living here, I don´t know if I´d want to do it. The cost of living is high (thank you, euro), the salaries are low, the jobs are scarce (the Spanish unemployment rate is much higher than the EU average), and life is dull. Life would be more exciting in Madrid -- that is, if it weren´t dangerous to be there. The coasts are great, but full of tourists. And it´s probably more expensive to live there.

What did I think of Spain? It´s a beautiful country with lots of history. But it´s a little too steeped in history. It´s as though the Spanish people realize what a long way they´ve fallen, and try to recoup some of their dignity by working extra-hard to remember the past. The origin of the Spanish-speaking peoples, it´s no longer the most important Spanish-speaking country. The up-and-coming economies in South America are more important to the world now. Like the fictional hero they all know so well, the Spaniards are tilting at windmills in their quest to make the past count toward the future.

Posted by Mark at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While I was wandering about one day, I decided that I could tell people ("You´ve got to tell them! Soylent Green is people!") the things I learned about Spain while I was there so that they can learn from errors I may have made.

First, and most important: don´t tip. If you´re getting counter service, you don´t tip, anyway. If you´re eating out on the patio or you´re at a sit-down restaurant, the tip is included. Prices for the patio are approximately ten percent more expensive than prices inside (that´s how the tip is included), and at a sit-down restaurant, gratuity is included (sometimes they´ll mention that on the menu).

Second, if you enjoy shopping, come here during the months of July and August. That´s when there are huge rebajas (sales) at all the clothing, shoe, and accesory stores. And the prices keep going down until the end of August; essentially, they have to get rid of all of their summer stuff. And since you´re not a Spanish citizen, you´re entitled to a refund on tax if you buy goods in excess of €90 at any one store at any one time. There´s a form to fill out and you´ll have to save your receipts, but if you buy a lot, it´s a good way to save enough money for a pizza or two back home.

Third, you´re leaving America behind. If you want Bud Light, it´s expensive. If you want Coca-Cola, it´s expensive. Try the Spanish food and beverages. They´re cheaper, and if you wanted Coca-Cola, why did you travel across the Atlantic Ocean when you could have stayed at home? Don´t think that "Spanish" means "Mexican." They´re very different. There´s nothing spicy within fifty kilometers of this country´s borders. Most of the food here is familiar: tortilla española is an omelet of sorts made with potatoes and onions. They eat a lot of root vegetables (verduras) here, like potatoes and carrots.

This is all I can think of in terms of travel guide right now. But don´t worry, there will be much more later.

Posted by Mark at 5:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're working on week number three here in fabulous Toledo, the capital city of Castilla-La Mancha, the rockinest autonomous community this side of Extremadura. I think I'm actually beginning to understand what people are saying. Isabel, my Spanish mom, has always been easy to understand; she doesn't talk that fast. Pablo and Cristina, my Spanish brother and sister, have always been difficult to understand: they speak pretty fast. Consulting a dictionary, I read that English-speakers think that Spanish-speakers talk fast. In fact, they don't talk that fast; rather, they use all of the linguistic options available to them to their fullest extent (lips, tongue, throat, etc.). To speak Spanish correctly, they have to use these faculties all the time. English-speakers, by contrast, can get along with a very slack mouth. We're "lazy" when it comes to language (you can blame the Germans for that; English comes from Low German).

I read that several prominent people have died while I was here, including Katherine Hepburn, Buddy Hackett, and Strom Thurmond. I bet they burned a lot of crosses up in heaven on the day Strom Thurmond died. But it was to be expected, I suppose; he was 100 years old.

One of the classes I'm taking here is "Art of Toledo," which is a course where we visit a particular place in Toledo in the morning and then come back and talk about it in the afternoon. It's a surreal experience to be able to talk about a particular style of art and then walk down the street and see it, instead of just looking at slides or pictures in an art book. Want to see a Mudéjar tower? Okay, let's walk to the Iglesia de Santo Tomé and see it. How about a Gothic cathedral from the 15th century? That's even closer. Instead of looking at vaulted arches and buttresses on slides, we can walk into the Catedral and see the vaulted arches for ourselves. I was incredibly excited when I looked out of the Torreón here at the Fundación and saw honest-to-God buttresses on the Catedral here. And for those of you who've never seen a Gothic cathedral, it's quite amazing. If Ayn Rand could see it, she'd say that it's less a temple to God and more a temple to man's ability to create such a work of art. And this cathedral is medium-sized. The cathedral in Sevilla is ridiculously huge (I'm told) and holds the Guinness record for the church with the most square-footage. Even so, I'd still like to see Notre Dame, the Platonic Form of Gothic Cathedral.

And exactly 87.5% of the women in Spain are ridiculously attractive. But 75% of those women have boyfriends or husbands, so my odds aren't that good at all. There are two girls here from OSU upon whom I have my eye: if Katie is reading this, then she knows one of them already (your old roommate, remember?). Not only is she good-looking, but she makes jokes in the same manner I do, and she writes for one of the satirical rags at OSU. When she ended a sentence with, "To the moon, Alice!" I thought I was in love. But of course, we must all come back to reality and remember that this thing is only for three more weeks. I suppose, though, it doesn't hurt to give it the old college try. Which I'll do.

One of the other Spanish sisters I have, Salomé, asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her no, but said I was always looking. She then told me that I shouldn't look; the right person will come to me. I suppose that's true: my experience has been that the best things happen when you least expect them or aren't thinking about them. But will I know the right person when I see her? I've always had terrible perception about that sort of thing. I need to head to the optometrist to change the prescription on my rose-colored glasses.

Posted by Mark at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)