So, Elizabeth and I went to see Everything Is Illuminated on Tuesday. The film is so indie that it's playing only in particular areas. It stars Elijah Wood as a man looking for the Ukranian woman who saved his grandfather's life. Newcomer Eugene Hutz is the grandson of the man who runs a business helping descendants of Holocaust victims find their families. It's a good movie.
Well, Eugene Hutz really is Ukranian, and for the past several years he's been the frontman for a Gypsy/punk rock band called Gogol Bordello. Hutz actually is a Gypsy, too, and he spent his childhood roving Europe, living the Roma lifestyle. On Thursday, we were casually flipping through the newspaper at about 4:30 and saw that Gogol Bordello was actually playing at a club called Slim's on 11th St. in San Francisco. This will be awesome, we thought.
But on the BART ride over there, we began to equivocate: we have to get up early tomorrow, why don't we go Friday night, maybe we should have just driven, because, you know, there might be parking after all, but who knows, this is San Francisco, etc. But I finally decided -- after Elizabeth placed the onus of decision on me -- that we would go see Gogol Bordello. Waiting in line for tickets, we saw Eugene Hutz -- sporting his trademark ridiculous moustache -- get off a bus that was parked in front of Slim's. It was him! The guy from Everything Is Illuminated! And, you know, he's not that much taller than me in real life.
We went into Slim's and got some drinks. Another band was playing, and a second was sure to follow them before Gogol Bordello. I looked around the room and saw a guy standing by himself about two feet behind us. He was wearing a fedora-style hat and what looked to be a Blazer. It's the typical uniform of punk rockers: a blazer made of odd material and a weird hat. But this guy seemed familiar.
"There's a guy in a hat behind us who looks an awful lot like Elijah Wood," I told Elizabeth. She turned and looked behind us.
"Yeah, it does." And so we kept on looking at this guy, coming up with reasons why it wasn't Elijah Wood, because Elijah Wood doesn't come to clubs in San Francisco where we happen to be and just stand by himself. "But look. He's singing the lyrics to this band's songs. He must be one of their friends," she replied. Naturally, if Elijah Wood were there, he would be singing along with Gogol Bordello, since he became friends with Eugene Hutz while the two of them were making Everything Is Illuminated. And besides, if it really were Elijah Wood -- which it definitely wasn't, because that's crazy talk -- he would be surrounded by throngs of screaming fans.
But we couldn't stop looking over at him. He was about how tall we thought Elijah Wood might be, and he had the right profile and -- especially -- he had the eyes. Elijah Wood has large, expressive eyes, and this guy had them. So we got closer.
After the band finished playing, a bunch of people huddled around this guy, who had previously been alone. A beautiful woman started kissing him. Okay, fine. So this guy has some friends and a girlfriend. But so does everyone else.
We got nearer to this crowd of people. Elizabeth asked some guy in this crowd, "Is that Elijah Wood?"
"Yes, that's Elijah Wood."
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit! I was right! We were standing two feet in front of Elijah Wood. Yes, the guy who played Frodo.
We got closer.
After some girls got a picture, we sheepishly walked up to him, not sure of whether or not we were being tacky. After all, he's a human being, too, and he probably wants to spend some time with his girlfriend.
"Hi, I'm Elizabeth," said Elizabeth, extending her hand.
"Hi, I'm Elijah," said Elijah Wood, shaking her hand and smiling that Elijah Wood smile of his. The two of them talked and I sort of stood off to the side, marveling that we were meeting a celebrity. After about a minute, he looked at me and said, "Are you two together?"
"Yeah," I said. I'm Mark."
"I'm Elijah. Nice to meet you."
That was what struck me immediately -- he was a genuinely nice guy. He didn't say, "I'm Elijah Wood." He just said, "I'm Elijah," as though he were saying, "I'm Bill" or "I'm Carl." I told him about the happenstance that brought us there, and how we were thinking about not coming. It turns out that his being there was a happenstance, too. Gogol Bordello was going to come to Los Angeles, where he lives, but he thought that the crowds would be smaller in San Francisco, so he just drove up here to see them (it's only about a five hour drive, the distance from Cleveland to Cincinnati).
After a few minutes of talking, he said goodbye and went outside to have a smoke. And we stood there, marveling that we had just met a celebrity. For Elizabeth and me, it was the first time we had met a celebrity. She called her sister and I called mine. I told Cathy amid the noise of the club, "I just met Elijah Wood." She replied, "No you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Did you tell him I love him?"
Elizabeth talked to her sister, Jessica. "I told you I'd be calling you later tonight, but I didn't tell you I'd be calling you tonight after I met Elijah Wood."
"You what?"
"I met Elijah Wood."
"What?"
The next band was so-so, but Gogol Bordello rocked our socks. Even though we couldn't understand a word they were saying because (1) it was too loud and distorted or (2) they weren't speaking English, it was the most awesome rock show ever.
(Elizabeth's editorial note: Gogol Bordello is fuckin' bad-ass spastic shit; don't let Mark's sophomoric "rocked our socks" deter you.)