"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

<|| OUR TOP STORY
After a long and painful cavity search, Mike "My other ship is a Galaxy class" Ballway has sifted through the files at 1 SNN Center and discovered that this is indeed Issue no. 11.
Previous issues contained either incorrect numbers or no numbers at all, which follows the precedent put forth by "Chairman" Ballway's periodical, "SNN Update."

<|| I'D LIKE A SIDE OF DISCRIMINATION
In a move that has sent all of STF's lawyers out to lunch, a McParty (known affectionately as McParty VII) has sprung up on the WeBB.  Opponents of the event say that it discriminates against STF on P$, seeing as how we here don't have a McParty.  Three Saguraro Cacti were commissioned to begin a field study as to the long-term effects of this.

<|| AIN'T NOBODY HOME
For the past week, STF was deserted leaving only empty buildings and quiet vandals.  SNN Headline News has done an unusual thing and investigated the cause for such a thing.  We have discovered that all members were locked away in the Warner Bros. studio water tower for 30 years.  They have only just been released.

<|| MAKE-OVER, TAMMY FAYE STYLE
We went from silent and dignified (when was this?) to gaudy and ill-mannered (very famililar) to a cross between the two.  Readers of SNN Headline News didn't like our new look, and both of them threatened to blow up the building at 1 SNN Center in Chicago.  Suffice to say, they couldn't find the building and had lunch at a nearby Burger King.

NUTRITION FACTS
Serving Size: 1 Page  Servings per Issue: About 5
CALORIES: 500              CALORIES FROM FAT: 499
TOTAL FAT: 499g            34%
CHOLESTEROL: 4.99 mg       12%
SODIUM: 8g                  6%
TOTAL CARBOHYDRATE: 5mg     1%
PROTEIN: 0g                 0%

*Percent daily values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.
 Your actual mileage may vary.

INGREDIENTS:
Monosodium Glutamate, FD&C Red no. 3, Hydrogenated Soybean
Oil, Soy Lechtin, Salt, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup,
Potassium Benzoate.

(C) 1998 Zaphod Beeblebrox Productions, Ltd.

SNN Update is a registered trademark of...hell, we're not even going to try to spell it.