"All the news you want, when we want to give it to you."

<|| OUR TOP STORY
In what onlookers can only describe as "spoon," Commodore Mike "Am I fiendish or what?" Ballway announced that Fleet Two, the apple of P$'s eye, the non-dairy creamer in its coffee, was to be disbanded and moved to the web.  Of course, Commodore Ballway can't be all blamed.  That's why
we're also blaming STF President Mike "Welcome to the Oligarchy" Bourdaa.  In one of his most recent edicts, he declared that Fleet Two was to be destroyed moved to the WeBB.  Why does this concern SNN Headline News?  Namely because SNN Headline News Grand Poobah Mark "A dash of salt here" Wilson is the Commanding Officer of Fleet 2 Flagship USS Victorious.  Wilson has been inquiring as to whether or not his STF career is over, even though it was over long ago.  This isn't the end of Bourdaa's latest dictatorial decree - he went on to say that Victorious will
become a Fleet 1 ship, under the command of God knows who.  Maybe Grand Poobah Wilson?  Watch this space for details.

<|| A MOMENT FOR ME
You know, when Mike Bourdaa started to run for President, I said, "Good for him.  Anyone have an antacid?  Boy, my stomach feels bad."  Now, though, Mike "The Stroessner Man" Bourdaa has proven himself to be a dictator of the umpteenth degree, blowing up chunks of STF's heritage and throwing them aside like so many dirty socks.  We here at SNN Headline News won't stand for the way Chairman Bourdaa is carving up pieces of STF; we once said that we wouldn't sit for Former STF President Greg "Where are they now?" Hertzsch's attempt at total movement to the WeBB.  And
now, we don't want it to happen with Chanceller Bourdaa.  Lest we be alienated by our parent corporation, SNN, we think that King Bourdaa has bought SNN Update and is broadcasting his propaganda there.  Is it time for an uprising?  We'll let you know.

<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS NO. 13
had only two stories, and was still 4 pages long.  We were upset about the recent turn of events in STF's even-more-bureaucratic-than-usual government these days.  We won't stand for it!  Unless Grand Poobah Wilson retains his CO position on the Victorious.  Then  we'll be happy
campers.

(C) 1998 Zaphod Beeblebrox Productions, Ltd.