<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||>
Vol. I             No. 17  
"...and there you have it."
 
<|| SO LONG, SNN UPDATE
The offices that once graced SNN Center in Chicago are empty now, the building across the street silent, never again to overflow with misinformation.  And so it is that SNN Update is over...a day we dreaded and knew was coming...like the end of "The Tonight Show," "Senifeld," or "Sanford and Son."  And with a heavy heart, we take on SNN Update's motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF events.  And now, the news.
 
<|| WHERE HAVE ALL THE LUNATICS GONE
This is the question being asked by investigators surverying the remnants of McParty VII.  There were banquet halls, religious fanatics, and a boxing tournament.  Even the major churches, including the Sisko Temple and First Church of Vulcan, are bare.  Experts blame a resurgence in the lizard population.  Others blame a conspiracy, lead by STF President Mike "Karma, dude" Bourdaa.
 
<|| COMPETITION? PAH!
In what appears to be little more than a nuisance at the moment, a renegade WeBBer has dared to challenge the fury that is "SNN Headline News."  Seamus "Hefner" Hughes began this dicrepit cycle of destruction with a production called "Aye on the WeBB" at [members.tripod.com/ayewebb/1.html].
Keep in mind that this address may or may not be correct, as we
1) aren't good at record-keeping and
2) don't want you to learn about this new threat.
The STF ED Committee on Un-STFian activities is investigating.
 
<|| SPELRS, BEEWAR!
Beware indeed as notorious misspeller Linus "wut yu sey?" Lindblad runs through the WeBB without the aide of a dictionary.  Several insults have already been made at his expense by STF President Michael "Looks like cheese, smells like cheese, it's ham!" Bourdaa and STF Vice-President Owen "I gave up an XO position on the Victorious for this?" Townes.  SNN is offering a reward of up to 1 million space-bucks for his capture, ded or aliv.
 
<|| BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH
And Beware SNN Headline News no. 17, written and directed by SNN Associate Editor Mark "Iberian Peninsula!" Wilson.  One question: now that Mike "Where's Adam Kent?" Ballway is gone, do we here get the title of Executive Editor, with all that minimal responsibility on our shoulders?
 
<||TUNE IN TO SNN HEADLINE NEWS' UPCOMING SPECIAL, "THE HEROES OF STF," CELEBRATING TWO PATRIOTS WHO MADE STF INTO THE RELATIVELY DEMOCRATIC CLUB YOU KNOW AND LIKE TODAY.
 
(C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago
 
So long, SNN Update!  We'll miss you!
 
(Wow, 6 pages!)