"Send in the [Seamus]...[that] laughy, daffy, [Seamus]..."

<|| OUR TOP STORY
It looks like another slow month for STF-P$, the only place in the club where Asimov CO Andy "I can't spell" Zbikowski didn't place recruiting propaganda.  And as the only news source in STF-P$, we feel some obligation (what does that mean, again?) to deliver you the news you want, when we want to give it to you.

<|| HUGHES ATTACKS
STF-WeBB's favorite AFComm-6 and winner of the Trinitron CO-for-a-Week contest, Seamus "Rhymes with 'booze'" Hughes has infiltrated the ranks of P$.  Stumbling into Fleet 1's USS Victorious, his duty was to replace PDir Greg "Besmirch" Hertzsch as the ship's GM and kicking target.  Reportedly, he bodily stole Paula "Paula" Kirk's ID and Password, and is using it to access P$.

<|| MORGAN COUNTERS
Another WeBBer dared to go where only Veterans have gone before when she apparently got P$ and came to the Games  BB under the tutelage (it's a word) of Seamus "R." Hughes.  Now looking through the Fleet 1 want ads, she madly searches for the answer to the question "Is there an in-flight movie?" which, by coincidence, is Hughes' question.

<|| FATE OF FLEET 1 PENDING
Recreating the Prez's office like a Tuscon..er, Phoenix, STF President Mike "I'm not wearing any socks" Bourdaa has opened the place for criticism, its only business.  A strong magnetic field has directed the conversation towards the fate of STF-P$, with comments from all sides and angles.  Since the comments were equally strong all around, we assume Bourdaa was out to create an equilateral triangle or a square.  Experts pointed out that Bourdaa was already a square, which narrowed the options down to "triangle."
Anyhow, FComm-1 Dennis "Breakfast nook" Hannigan has decided to become the Switzerland of this battle, while SNN's own Mark "AFComm-1" Wilson decreed a move to the WeBB as soon as possible.  More on this story as it liquifies.

<|| SPELL "OKAZAKI FRAGMENTS"
It seems our headline above is sorely "lagging" (we figure only Bourdaa will understand that joke), so we'll cut right to the Chevy Chase.  This may be our last issue of SNNHN-I (don't party just yet), so we'll mention that it has been twenty, count 'em twenty, issues since we began the lunacy that now carries STF-P$.  Remember that our Journalistic Motto is, and always will be, "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events.
For now, we'll leave you with a quote from the great philosopher Zang Rohrrim.  "Trust in yourself, because you have no idea how screwed up everyone else is."

(C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago