I.22

<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||>
Vol. I No. 22

"Ham! Ham! Ham!"

<|| OUR TOP STORY
Continuing with our coverage of STF-P$'s downfall, "STF Death Bowl '98," we feel that we should keep you updated about the situation. How do we do it? Volume!
Notes are circulating through e-mail that STF-P$ might possibly merge with another Star Trek club on P$. AFComm-1 and Victorious Chief Organgutan Mark "Flip" Wilson (stop making fun of me, Mark!) has made First Contact with AT, another fledgling RPG on the Star Trek BB. Also endeavoring to save STF-P$ is resident living dead Mike "Arcstreet" Ballway (that was bad, we know), along with STF President Mike "Doubled-up 2 by 8" Bourdaa, Vicky Xylophone Operator Owen "Now townships, those are about the same size as" Townes, and STF Personnel Director Greg "For a Personnel Director, I don't have much personality to direct" Hertzsch. When we save the club, we'll let you know.

<|| WEBB CONTROVERSY ANNOYS DOZENS
In what can only be called a step above the usual petty squabbling, FComm-4 and "WeBBSights" publisher Larry "Ivana Tinkle!" Garfield publicly chastised AFComm-6 and "Aye on the WeBB" publisher Seamus "Jacques Strap!" Hughes, after Hughes stole WS' format. Garfield was visibly upset, and asked for Hughes' resignation. Hughes relented, but we think he'll be back . . . he always comes back.

<|| AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
Originally, we were going to have the Election Coordinator here, but he was too "classy" for us, so we sent him a bomb and threatened, er, rather, coerced his assistant into an interview. Here, this man (who can only be identified as Gunther Kleinshanks) tells us what we want to hear about how elections are conducted.

SH: Hello, Gunther, welcome to the show.
GK: Please don't kill me.
SH: C'mon, Gunther, tell us about the election timetable.
GK: Well, it starts out, ya, that the EC, that's election coordinator, begins the month (that's the last month the standing president is in office) by calling nominations. Then, a week later, nominations are over and the candidates are chosen, ya. Following that is a week of campaigning, ya, and the last week is devoted to electing the president. Then, ya, the EC, he counts the ballots and announces the new president!
SH: Thank you, Gunther. Now go home to your chocolate.
GK: Ya! Gunther, he likes the chocolate!

<|| THE NEVERENDING STORY?
Zest! Not only is it a soap (the best kind of soap out there), but it's also what "SNN Headline News" I21 possesses! By now, both volumes of STF's least-favorite electronic periodical have surpsassed that perennial favorite, "WeBBSights." Take that, Garfield! And, er, your...little...um...check in later for the end of that insult.
As always, we swear on the misaligned teeth of Robin Leech that Headline News will remain true to its middle-class motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events. Come back sometime later, perhaps next week, when our topic is "Spoo: the other pigmented foodstuff."
Until then, you'll have to content yourself with the knowledge that elections are (gasp!) a month away from your current location. Until next week, keep those cameras safely rolling!