<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||> Vol. II No. 2 "Ask not what you can do for STF President Mike Bourdaa, but what STF President Mike Bourdaa can do for you." <|| HEATED POLITICAL BATTLES AHEAD Responding to things alluded to by STF Personnel Director Greg "Hoist the mizzenmast!" Hertzsch and SNN Associate Editor Mark "Bring out the plank" Wilson, several members of the WeBB have taken justice into their own hands. Operating from rumors and a shabby apology, they have now begun throwing insults at United States President Bill "Wham, Bam, thank you ma'am...NEXT!" Clinton like so many rotted donkey carcasses. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but SNN Headline News refuses to become "Meet the Press" or, horrors, "This Week" with Sam and Cokie. <|| THAT'S FOUR-HUNDRED AND ONE TO YOU Jason Yee is your everyday WeBBer, coming in, doing his business, and leaving inconspicuously. But today, he revolutionized the Starfleet News Network in ways that are terrifying, and, as one onlooker put it, "Spoon!" Thanks to Mr. Yee, SNN executives met today to formulate "SNN-FN," the Starfleet News Financial Network, which contains information as pertinent to your fiscal diet as strawberries are to the salvation of crabgrass. In one week, SNN will launch the network and soon declare bankruptcy, since they can't afford to run the station. <|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS WEBB EDITION NO. 2 was brought to you by the Big BULL Beer-brewing company. Look for the Big BULL beer with the Big BULL taste. (C) 1998 Zaphod Beeblebrox Productions, Ltd. A subsidiary of the Ford Prefect Co, Chicago.

Back to the Archives