<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||> Vol. II No. 3 <|| OUR TOP STORY As all of you out here in WeBB land have undoubtedly heard, "SNN Update," the predecessor to SNN "Headline News" that taught it all it knows, is gone. At Issue 65, SNN Executive Editor Mike "Play it again, Raul" Ballway closed the doors to his office at 1 SNN Center, only to have them broken into moments later. Humpback whales are investigating. <|| THE POPE'S NO DOPE At least not Pope Greg "Forgive me father, for I have sinned, here's the fifty dollars" Hertzsch. In a duel that promises to be the crowning event of today, Hertzsch has a religious streetfight with Linus "Toliet paper is good for you" Lindblad of the Linus Temple of Sorinak. Hertzsch himself is the Pope of the Sinclair Temple, a place where SNN Headline News dares to tread. Oooh, creepy! <|| INVESTIGATIONS AHOY! After many enlightened conversations and several fractured ribs, the conversation at our building at 1 SNN Center has switched gears. United States Vice-President Al "Oil, oil" Gore has become the topic of discussion, and Colin "I'd like mustard and a side of pickles" Wyers has informed "Headline News" that a special prosecutor is being appointed to investigate Gore. Currently, Captain Jean-Luc Picard is fighting for Gore's right as a sentient being, as the special prosecutor wants to disassemble him to see what makes him tock...er, tick. <|| OUR FATEFUL TRIP IS DONE At least that's the way it seems at STF on P$. Recently, a reply from Dennis "If I had a phaser, I'd phase in the morning..." Hannigan has summed up the fact that there is no one to be found at the BB. A missing persons report is going out for everyone except STF President Mike "White meat or green meat?" Bourdaa. Experts figure he'll find his way home sooner or later. <|| WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF HUMANOIDS SNN Headline News knows! Cleverly disguised as Lamont Cranston, we endeavor to pick up where "SNN Update" left off, and continue its journalistic motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF events. So fear not, the lunacy is not lost, but trying to escape. (C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago (C) 1998 Starfleet News Network

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