<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||> Vol. II No. 5 "Bringing you the best of the mediocre, today!" <|| OUR TOP STORY After much queasing, coughing, retching and more general flu symptoms, STF President Mike "You can really taste the cheese" Bourdaa approved ideas for a Daily Ship, not an Elite Ship as reported before. This Daily Ship will allegedly have folks signing on every day, although "Headline News" bets that that motto won't stay up for very long. Fleet 3 Commander Franco "B'lanna" Torres welcomed the Daily Ship with open arms, but soon walked away from the scene altogether, as he wanted to get his copy of "Titanic" soon. <|| IT'S BLUDGEON TIME! Several readers, angry about the alleged misinformation given in last week's edition, wrote nasty letters to "Headline News," and all attempts to forward them to the Executive Editor failed. Among those who dared to question us where Mark "Lengthy and Johann Sebastian is just like" Longanbach, Bill "Refried Goat Cheese" Gunty, and Jim "Scooby-Doo, where are you?" Armstrong. Only faithful STFer Colin "Save me! Augh!" Wyers stood up against the Monstruous Three. In an unrelated story, a mysterious check for several million space-bucks was found at the cardboard box of Colin "Take the money, just leave me be!" Wyers. STF President Mike "The hills are alive with the sound of wrath" Bourdaa succeeded in getting a letter past security that said, quote, "It's time for a change. Vote Mark Wilson for STF President," unquote. <|| HANNIGAN ALONE The P$ STF is all but gone now, and neither STF President Mike "I move in favor of my right foot" Bourdaa or Vice-Cheese Owen "Cities are bigger than" Townes have made attempts at saving the struggling RPGs. Only the USS Ark Angel remains, with Dennis "Living room" Hannigan and a collection of other personnel. How this relates to the yard sale at 101 SNN Center is still being investigated. <|| DIAL "M" FOR SNN Headline News no. 5, where we really made fun of a lot of people! Please remember that if you have questions or comments (no criticisms, please) you can send them to: SNN Headline News 515 SNN Center Chicago, EA 00003 No comments about our misinformation, as we cover that each week (or so) when we say that we stick like paint remover to our adopted motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF events. Tune in next week, same SNN-time, same SNN-channel! (C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago (C) 1998 Starfleet News Network

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