<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||>
Vol. II             No. 6


"Enter the shame."

<|| OUR TOP STORY
The Saga of the Daily Ship continued this week, with rousing comments from everyone, including Larry "President" Garfield, who delivered a stirring, yet sensible speech. When given a quiz on Garfield's speech, three out of four STFers couldn't come up with the right answers. Academy Commendant John "Eat the bones anyway" Storrer II decided to curve the test, so only STF President Mike "Why must you always pick on me?" Bourdaa failed. He'll have to repeat the fourth grade.

<|| GREGORY'S CORNER
By H. Simon Gregory

Here's an interesting paradox for you: a barber lives in a town where he is the only barber. There are two groups of people in town: the group shaved by the barber (who do not shave themselves), and the group that is not shaved by the barber (who do shave themselves). Here's the paradox: who shaves the barber? When you find the answer, write to me here at Headline News -- the first person to put in the correct response wins a prize, a set of STNG Nose-hair Clippers, left over from STNG's 1994 Halloween Party!

<|| SO SUE US! (NOT LITERALLY)
We would like to apologize to STF Vice-President Randy "How 'bout that WeBB" McCullick for not naming him as the Vice-Dictator in our last edition. But we'd really like to apologize to Owen "Mayonnaise, mustard, you get the idea" Townes for incorrectly naming him as Assistant Cheese. Keep in mind that by entering STF, you waive your right to sue for libel against the Starfleet News Network, or any of its publications.

<|| BALLWAY SAVES THE DAY, FOR A CHANGE
When we were being vilified by the public, we felt utterly alone, defenseless, and hungry. The first time this happened, Colin "Farmer Joe" Wyers stepped in to save the day. Once he reads this, it will never happen again. Fortunately, SNN Executive Editor, FComm2, and all-around schizophrenic Mike "It's catsup, people, catsup!" Ballway defended us the second time we were criticized by loyalists to the Daily Ship, which we have publicly denounced, and for that have been publicly denounced (like we weren't use to it already). Thanks, er, what was your name again?

<|| UP IN THE SKY -- IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE!
No, it's a bird, but a few degrees to the left is SNN Headline News No. 6, the first of our HTML-oriented editions...we hope you've enjoyed them (if not, we have ways of making you enjoy them). If you or anyone you know has any complaints about SNN Headline News, or Executive Editor Mike "Pass the grits" Ballway, write to us at:

SNN Headline News
515 SNN Center
Chicago, EA 60653

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(C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago

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