<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||>
Vol. II             No. 8


"You scare children. Is that proof enough?"

<|| OUR TOP STORY
After minutes of inactivity, STF's McParty has gotten goin' again. In an uprising lead by resident STF pariah Seamus "Ow! Stop kicking me, Ballway!" Hughes, McParty members boycotted inactivity...which meant that they became active. Notable subject areas include: The Technology Shop, and Seamus' Irish Pub. When asked what he thought of the new activity, FComm-6 Colin "Microchips replaced" Wyers said, "Is this another joke on my name? I'm getting tired of this!"

<|| THE SAGA OF THE DAILY SHIP
Has ended with STF President Mike "A 2X4 is a kind of" Bourdaa thanking all for participating. Though he claimed would like to have seen a cage match in the President's Office between the opposing sides, he thought things were all right. In a series of edicts as startling as they were repetitive, STF President Mike "Avast ye hartees!" Bourdaa said that Daily Ship will be skippered by none other than Nathan "If you grind grain, you're a" Miller. Coincidentally, Miller is also the new FComm-5, having replaced former FComm-5 B.J. "STF? What STF?" Phillips. STF Head Cheese Mike "Wow! 3 times in one issue!" Bourdaa named Miller executor of Fleet 5's will and CO of the elite Daily Ship (not to be confused with the Elite daily ship) AND told Phillips to go peddle his wood-pulp writing media. Things are bound into a nice, pretty little package. This package will be delivered to the FComm-4's door and will probably be ticking. Look out, FComm-4!

<|| REWARD -- DEAD OR ALIVE
A reward has been offered for the capture, arrest, and ultimate kicking of STFer Seamus "Rebel without a clue" Hughes. Among those hunting down the venerable banjo-player are Willy "The quicker picker-upper" Davis, Israel "I like bananas in the green grass" Harris, and Jason "The swallow flies at midnight. Is that eastern or mountain time?" Yee. The latter has offered boots for the purpose of kicking the culprit again and again.

<|| THE CAPTAIN HAS TURNED ON THE 'FASTEN SEAT BELT' SIGN
That can only mean one thing...Issue no. 8 of "SNN Headline News" is coming into port. We're back after a long hiatus, during which our office at 515 SNN Center got new wallpaper and a new coffee machine. Tune in next time when H. Simon Gregory, the best non-sensical writer to wander aimlessly through SNN Center since Adam Kent, returns from his extended vacation, and "SNN Headline News" goes where no one has gone before in a candid-yet-honest interview with STF President Mike "The war is a bore" Bourdaa. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.

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(C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago

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