<|| SNN HEADLINE NEWS ||>
Vol. II            No. 12

"When in doubt, mumble."

<|| PHILLIPS CAPTIVATES #STAR-FLEET FOR HALF-HOUR
At 2330 hours EFT, Stdt. 9803.10 (98100.3), former FComm-5 and Athena & OPlympia CO B.J. Phillips made a startling reappearance and informed everyone of the grave news: he would be resigning STF. Many members of STF present at the time (including yours truly) tried all methods of torture to get him to stay, but it was in vain, as Mr. Phillips said that "I no longer feel that I'm an asset to STF anymore... I feel like a burden to my ship... and to all of you." He went on to say, "I'm confused... I don't know which way I should go... I've come to the crossroads of my career here," whereupon many STFers said he should stay, which brings us to the beginning of the story. Things began to happen towards the end, where it was discovered that he would probably stay after taking a sabbatical to go through his thoughts. Get will soon, Commodore!

<|| COMMANDANT HAS CADET IN THE OVEN
After months of training people he doesn't know to be disfunctional STFers in the future, Academy Commandant John "Great time for Dr. Spock to die" Storer II is getting married, Charlie Brown! The announcement came on Stdt. 9804.10 (98100.4 for you WeBB rebels) that the Headmaster had a fiancee, Faith "Anne" Bronsing, who by sheer coincidence also does some charity work on SB202 as Lt. Angel Warriorwing and Kayla Warriorwing on the USS Nautilus.

The two plan to name their future STF President either 1) John David Storer III or 2) Kyra Lynn Storer. April 14 is the date (only a week before my birthday). Expect a lot of questions from the Commandant to those of you with your own little monsters. Congratulations, Storers!

<|| H. SIMON GREGORY DEFECTS -- FEW KILLED
No one's favorite reporter for SNN Headline News, H. Simon Gregory, has decided to try his hand with the competition. As such, he will head over to our bitter enemy "Aye on the WeBB" to see how brown the grass is without expensive fertilizer. Normally, we'd kill moles we found in the system, but Mr. Gregory might get a surprise when he next hops into his car...hehehe...oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet. Do'ok!

<|| SNN SCOOPS "AYE ON THE WEBB" LIKE SO MANY SHOVELFULS OF MANURE
In keeping with last issue's "Titania" theme, we have been granted an exclusive interview with one of the designers of the new Daily ship. Jason Rauch has agreed to sit down with one of our men in the field and talk about the Titania. Bob Spurlin, the other "Titania" engineer declined to comment, commenting, "You know, I'm not surprised after all these years," then "Don't quote me on that."

1. Why can't I call it the Elite Ship?
Because I'm going to be on the USS Titania and I'm far from Elite. :)

2. When did this idea form?
Hmm one night after a fifth of Jack Daniels. I think I don't rember it all I killed many a Brain Cell since then.

3. Can I call you Dadoo?
Sure son here's 20 bucks have the car home by 11:30pm

4. Have you ever thought of a career in horticulture?
No but I know how to use a Chain saw does that count?

5. Do you know what a "jib" is? If so, use it in a sentence.
uh I have no fracking idea

6. Everyone has a mentor. Who do you look up to? Who do you want to be?
Seamus Hughes, Seamus Hughes

7. Milk -- Skim, 1%, 2%, Whole?
Whole if i want watered down Milk I'll add my own water thank ya.

9. What happened to question 8?
The Borg Assimilated it into the Collective.

10.Who is your favorite Super Friend?
What's a super friend ah Screw it wonder if there is any Jack Daniels left from the Elite ship idea Brain storm. Interview over!!!!!

8. Here's question 8! Someone put it at the end! White meat or dark meat? Your thoughts.
White meat shows off the Dirt better if Dropped on Floor.

<|| YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR
And you must not've paid much for SNN Headline News no. 12! It's free at newsstands all over the Fleetwide OOC. And an issue equally as large as 10 and 11! Could we be on a roll? As long as this bombshell news keeps happening. When STF President Mike "House-as are made of" Bourdaa hits his sex scandal, we'll be happy campers. Join us next time when we really have interviews this time! Two more are waiting in the wings, either Mike Bourdaa or Greg Hertzsch. I'll flip a coin.

(C) 1998 The Ford Prefect Co, Chicago

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