Vol. II "No, Kitty, that's my pie.  No Kitty, Kitty, that's a BAD KITTY KITTY!" No. 28

 
 
 
SNN Headline News Index
Get out the Vote In the Hot Seat
Candidate Ridicule Closing Remarks
Assorted News Items

 
 
 


 
ELECTION NEWS (AUGH!)   TOP

Election Season Arrives; EC Named (By Way of Roman Characters)

The returns have come in, and AFComm-6 and President of the Society for Future Garfieldians Seamus "Heeyooz" Hughes has been appointed as the EC (Election Coordinator, for the acronymically impaired) for the current election.

CURRRENT ELECTION CANDIDATES (FOR REAL THIS TIME, WE PROMISE):

Stay tuned to Headline News for excellent and--dare we say it--frequent coverage of election reporting.  Election timetables stand sic:
 
CANDIDATE RIDICULE SECTION   TOP

Spurlin-Wyers Campaign Hurrahed by Romper-Room PAC

Miss Linda and all of her funky-spunky pals greeted the Bob Spurlin-Colin Wyers with three cheers and a trip to Discovery Zone as the Spurlin-Wyers machine unveiled its primary issue: fun.  Seeing an apparent lack of joy in STF, "Salisbury" Spurlin and "Worchestershire" Wyers have made exuberance their number one objective.  Neither Spurlin nor Wyers could be reached for comment, as they were both playing in the ball bin at the time.

Hertzsch-Felts Draws Snickers from Crowds

If you're wondering why certain crowds are giggling at Hertzsch-Felts' campaign name, you have to be Greg Hertzsch to get the joke, as obscure as it is.  You might remember that "Hydronalin" Hertzsch was the Conspirator of STF two terms ago, and lost in this past race to "Boolean" Bourdaa.  Both "Hydrolase" Hertzsch and "Fortunate" Felts are expected to continue Hertzsch's expansionist policies well into the next eight months (you thought we'd say millennium, didn't you?).


 
THOSE MORE UNIMPORTANT THINGS   TOP

Edict No. 27 Repeals Edict No. 25; Orders Bob the Blob Killed

The latter is an out-and-out lie, but the former is completely and utterly true.  Edict no. 27, the so-so sequel to the four-star Edict no. 25, was written and directed by STF President Mike "Spamburger hamburger" Bourdaa in an attempt to clear up the language of Edict no. 25, which as hereto has not been mentioned, was, suffice to say, quite confusing, and furthermore, the aforementioned Edict (which hereto has been mentioned twice now), used acronyms that had not been approved by the ADir (that's Acronym Director to the acronymically impaired).
What did it stipulate, you ask?  Second characters on the same ship require the approval of the CO, FComm, or AFComm, in somuch as they require approval from one of the three people above to be placed in effect.  When asked what this article meant, SNN Associate Editor Larry "Revenge is a dish best served with fava beans and muffins" Garfield fell down, oddly enough into a sink hole and has not been seen since.

Nate Miller Drops Bombshell Down Pants of STFers

If that headline wasn't enough to get you to read the story, then here's the main idea of this story: Nathan "Corporal" Miller, FComm-5 and Titania CO, has resigned his high-ranking positions.  Stepping in for the exFComm-5 is the newFcomm-5, formerGMDir the soon-to-be Deanne "Morgan" Ashton, who will fill the job with as much cheese sauce as she can.  The new Titania CO has been named as none other than new Titania CO Jeremy "Domiano &