Volume II

"Your every voter, as surely as your chief magistrate, exercises a public trust."

Issue 53
Electospecticus In Other News In the Hot Seat Unwanted Opinions Closing Remarks

SPECIAL COLLECTIBLE ELECTION SERIES

Election season begins; hunters authorized to shoot politicians on sight

Thanks to Edicts made by a certain Coder, Election Season (alias Elect-A-Prez, alias Massive Social Upheaval) has begun in STF -- with a vengeance. With the polls closed to new candidates, four tickets have emerged and three have been declined. The teams of Nick Lackie/Brian Moss, Krystelle Bromilow/Nikolle Burchett, and Philip Hobday/Ralf Steen have thrown their long underwear into the ring to compete for the Key to the Executive Washroom. Rose "By any other name" Tintle was nominated and agreed to run with running mate Phil "Donahue" Groshens, but later dropped out (see separate story). At the tail end of nominations, former GMDir Deanne "Not Morgan" Ashton agreed to run, with former FComm-5 Nathan "If I made flour, I'd be a" Miller. But, as quickly as she was nominated, she dropped out of the race, saying that she never planned on being elected, anyway.

In the nomination week, several STFians nominated FComm-4 Larry "And you thought I was just an editor" Garfield, IRC Administrator Scott Dale "Nitsua" Robison, and USS Aries CO Cordell "Hull" Garrett. What do these people have in common, besides a nasty case of seborrhic dermatitis? They all declined nominations, much to the chagrin of Star Wars creator George Lucas, who hoped to profit from a Larry Garfield administration. The Election Season did begin on a note of controversy, however, as it was debated whether or not Garfield, a member of the "Election Staff," could participate in the election (a moot point since he turned down the nomination; but still, no one wants to deprive an STFian of his right to argue moot points).

New to this election is the so-called "Election Ship," a device created by STF Coder and Election Coordinator Mike "No counting emails for me!" Bourdaa. The ship was created at the prompting of several STFians, most notably Butch "Cassidy" Carter, who believed that while election paraphernalia did not belong in Command, neither did it belong in the thick bog of irrelevance that is the WeBB OOC. The page was designed in Garfield 2.0 style (something we at Headline News try not to look at, if we can help it), since the Starfleet News Network has been charged with the duty of maintaining the Election MOTD. "At last, our stranglehold on STF is complete," cackled an overconfident Garfield. "The last remanant of the Old Republic is gone."

The issues: a chicken in every pot, a charged power cell in every phaser

Now that Election Season has entered the voting/campaigning/allegation phase, voters will ask more of their candidates; indeed, several STFians (Butch "Sundance Kid" Carter, current president Seamus "Mike, I am your father" Hughes) have posted general questionnaires in the election ship to be answered by the candidates. But with all of this talk about issues, we wondered, what are the real issues? We talked to University of Fleet One political science professor Dnalloh Noraa to get some answers. "The big issue this cycle is Fleet 7," said Mr. Noraa. "STFians want to know if it's ever going to happen, and when. It's been talked about for years, but has not yet come to fruition. Another big issue is this recent 'GMDevolution' plan [see WeBBsights for details]; the next president will be expected to make a decision about that. Also, the next president may have radical restructuring going on, since the charters will be up again in August.

"Then there's the Africanized Killer Bees. STFians don't want to be stung anymore, and, despite what the Internet Department may be saying, their is no cure for the deadly strain of Surcassian Sea Sickness they carry. Not even Antedian Diet Grape Soda will help. You can see, then, that the next president must be someone who is adaptable -- someone who can stay focused and flexible throughout this period of change. These are trying times that require strong leadership; a wishy-washy president will not be tolerated by the people. How's Fleet One?" Mr. Noraa then threw down his cloak, revealing his true identity -- well, we think you can figure that one out.

Tintle bows out after short-lived campaign; endorses Bromilow/Burchette

In a campaign that lasted only a week, STF dark-horse candidate Rose "Madder" Tintle has dropped out of the running. The somewhat controversial campaign included a criticism of STF's higher-ranking officers, where Tintle said that she "[doesn't] like upper [STF] thinking[;] they got their job by butt-kissing." The campaign also invited more controversy when Kelly "Langly" Byers, who originally nominated Tintle for the presidency, later sided with the Bromilow/Burchett. In explaining his switch, Byers noted that his endorsement of Tintle "was a decision made much to [sic] hastily." On 8 July, Tintle officially dropped out of the race and endorsed Bromilow/Burchett, having never given a truly clear reason as to why she left (though she did say that even if she had continued, she still would have dropped out).

MATERIAL UNRELATED TO THE ELECTION (OR IS IT?)

McParty IX: Insurrection

Every July 21, STFians get together to celebrate the founding of STF in 1991 by Jose Monroy, who, with one post and the USS Hornet, created the club that everyone knows (what club?) and loves (we hates it forever!) today. The festival is called the McParty, named in honor of former STFian Kate McCarthy. Recently, though, STF Kick-da-Cheese Seamus "John" Hughes has seen fit to alter the existing STF party schedule, adding something of his own, the Lame Duck Party, which would celebrate his leaving the Presidency. Unfortunately, Hughes was narrow-sighted and failed to see that the Lame Duck Party would impact McParty attendance. In stepped FComm-2 emeritus Mike "It's a nice place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit" Ballway, who suggested that the McParty and the Lame Duck Party be combined into one SuperParty. Hughes agreed, and for the umpteenth time, conferred upon Ballway the title of McParty Coordinator. The name for the hybrid party is to be decided later.

Dash-X elimination gets unusually positive response

In what can only be called a case of STFians being replaced by pod people from the planet Snooflax, Command is abuzz with people agreeing with each other. The issue is a proposal by Vice President Butch "Jimmy" Carter (which was really proposed by Election Coordinator Mike "If these elections don't get interesting, I'll soon be" Bourdaa) that calls for the elimination of the "X" in dash-X. Essentially, junior officers would be referred to only by their three-letter abbreviation: all medical junior officers, for example, would be referred to as MEDs, regardless of whether they were a MED-1 or a MED-37 (the latter can only be found on the Constellation). Virtually all STFians support this proposal, which is expected to be passed into law very quickly. STF Coder Mike "Lower your shields; we're going to" Bourdaa noted that this new and wacky idea could be programmed into the WeBB "in 3 minutes." He also noted that it would make WeBB 3.0 easier. WeBB 3.0 is expected to arrive at the same time as Fleet 7, or the year 2015; whichever comes first.

Lackie comandeers Aye on the WeBB; pedestrians, hot dog vendors injured

When Headline News Grand Poobah Mark "You'd better believe I'm grand!" Wilson went on vacation, he didn't expect to come back to anything new and different. Imagine his surprise when he learned that not only had WeBBsights published a new issue before the next Ice Age, but Aye on the WeBB had also come back. The periodical, once commanded by Seamus "I need a drink" Hughes, published its last issue last year, and Executive Producer Wilson had no intention of writing a new one, nor did Creator Hughes. The project was spearheaded by FComm-6 Nick "I need a spare tire" Lackie and his partner in crime (and elections), FComm-5 Brian "Peat" Moss. Most interesting about the new issue was that it abandoned the multi-page format of Ayes gone past. opting instead for the SNN-standard one-page design. There are currently no plans to continue Aye on a semi-regular basis as part of the SNN fall lineup. Said SNN Programming Director Mnmbo Watanabe, "We're currently involved in contract disputes with Lackie and Moss. Come back when you can correctly pronounce my first name."

ENTREVISTAS CON LOS ASPIRANTES

And now, your STF Candidates

Do you have that nagging feeling in the back of your head (the one unrelated to lyme disease) that you've heard the name "Nick Lackie"? Think that you've met Phil Groshens? Do you know the real Krystelle Bromilow? Look no further! SNN Headline News presents an interview with the candidates; or, more properly, interviews with the candidates. We'll quiz them on the most difficult questions we can think of -- foreign policy, world leaders, and Richard Simmons. (By the time we had gone to press, "McNugget" Moss was the only Veep-wannabe that responded.)

Lackie/Moss: First in war, first in peace, first to be nominated

"Leatherface" Lackey and "Maniacal" Moss may not look pretty, but deep down inside, they have the hearts of warriors (not really; this is all dramatics). Lackie and Moss were nominated and seconded in what EC Mike Bourdaa called "record time" -- it was 9:17 PM EDT (2:17 AM GMT) when this all happened, thanks to a man named B.J. "John Sousa" Philips. Since then, the pair seems to be doing quite well, receving the personal (but not professional; electronic periodicals cannot endorse a candidate) endorsement of a certain Grand Poobah. Now we take a deeper look into what makes these candidates tick.

1. Richard Simmons.  Where did we go wrong?
Lackie: Two words: short shorts.
Moss: Sending him $19.95 for a deck of diet cards seemed like a bad idea at the time; that could be the point where it all went downhill. And the tank tops ... those were scary.

2. What are your views on Fleet 7?  Good idea, bad idea, what?
Lackie: Fleet 7 is a good idea whose time has not yet come. As the censuses have shown, our membership is holding steady. I think that as we improve the club in several important areas -- notably member retention -- and consequently exhibit demographic growth, a seventh fleet will be not only an inescapable reality, but our reward for a job well done. Declaring that we could use it now, however (and doing so in spite of the numbers), is premature.
Moss: It will be a great thing when STF is actually ready for it.  In the meantime, STF really should focus on improving the existing six fleets before a seventh is considered.

3. Do you really believe that someone can pull a quarter out of your ear?
Lackie: No, I don't. But, Mark ... what's that? Aha, a Sacajawea coin! Take that, Washington.
Moss: Perhaps ... if I can find a well-washed five dollar bill in my pocket two days before payday, then I'm willing to lend credence to the quarter-in-the-ear trick.

4. Do you support so-called "GMDevolution"?  Why or why not?
Lackie: As I've said, I do support GMDevolution, because the GMD is simply spread too thin as it is. We need, at the very least, something like what Stuart Coll instituted not too long ago, with three officers of the department watching over assigned areas. But I think Deanne's proposal has one big advantage: it's flexible. With that, we won't need to add AGMDirs in response to expansion, or make the GMDir's job more difficult by requiring more complicated intra-department coordination. We've also done it before, and it's worked, so there's another advantage. Each day I consider it, this seems better.
Moss: Absolutely; FComms and COs are the best qualified to manage individual GM situations, rather than asking for one GMDir to be responsible for thirty-odd ships.

5. Wanna play "charades"?
Lackie: No. And I don't wanna talk about it. Next question.
Moss: Ah, what the heck ... I'm always up for a game of charades.  That always gets me past the awkward moments with girls at work.

6. What is the thing that you, as a candidate, can give to STF that no other candidate can?
Lackie: The experience that comes with being a CO and a cabinet officer. This is, interestingly, the only race in a while wherein only one group of candidates can say they both hold positi

6. What is the thing that you, as a candidate, can give to STF that no other candidate can?
Lackie: The expeons of this type. I've learned a lot from my experiences as an FComm, and my long involvement in fleet command has given me practical experience in coordinating a relatively large and intricate organism which resembles the club as a whole in many ways. The other candidates are great people: I'll vouch for that myself, because I've enjoyed working with each of them. But Lackie/Moss is the ticket which has proven itself most thoroughly through the actions of its constituents. And, to top it off, we still can and do work intensively with new members; some of our best talent today comes from people who've been here but a short time, and we recognize that they deserve as much attention as they need.
Moss: Our team already has experience within President Hughes' cabinet, which has provided us with the administrative skills, as well as the organizational/people skills that are part and parcel of being a ship's CO. So, what we have to offer is experience, as well as the continued effort we have previously put forth towards the running of our fleets and ships ...

7. In a no-holds-barred cage match, who would win: undefeated former heavyweight champion Rocky Marciano, or legendary gourmet chef Julia Child?
Lackie: I'd have to give the edge to Child. She has the weight advantage, and a heck of a right hook. The old Lowry's Seasoning Salt in the eye routine is a sure-fire way to get the ref out of the way while you hit below the belt, as well.
Moss: It's gotta be Julia Child, man. Although, both of them seem to suffer from curious speech impediments.  Perhaps they should call off their cage match and see a speech therapist.

8. Why do you think STF has a problem with retaining new members?  How would you solve this problem?
Lackie: We do, of course. Many people join the club, are assigned to ships, and never post once. I've seen it on every ship, and I'm sure you all have also. In recent history, we've made important strides with such measures as the mentor scheme, but the battle is far from over. One person I mentored never bothered to return my e-mail, and it's an unfortunate fact that some people simply aren't interested any longer when we get to them. However, I think we can do our most potent work as individuals: for my part, this means appointments of attentive and competent COs who will do all they can to help their crews, as COs should. The NMC should also continue its role in the fight to keep new members by directing its efforts on outreach. Further, we need to increase our intake of members, within handle-able limit, through more recruitment, so that while the proportion of those maintained will likely hover around the same figure, we will hold more in total.
Moss: If the New Members Council is doing their job properly, as are the command staffs of the individual ships, and new members continue to either a) not bother to log in at all, or b) completely lose interest, then there's little we can do short of coming to their homes and asking them to post. Keeping the lines of communication open between the command staff and new members, as well as having the resources available that the NMC has to offer, are the best ways that new members will stay.

9. If elected, would you impose a limit on characters per person?  Why or why not?
Lackie: I oppose a limit on characters per person. Because of the reasons this club is here in the first place, I don't want to deny anyone the chance to have more fun as they see fit.
Moss: I would have to say "no." But, we can warn people about overdoing it and eventually ODing on STF after signing up to be on every other ship in the Fleet. If one person can handle ten characters, then more power to that person. He's doing better than I am. However, it should be stressed that the possibility of burnout exists; I've seen quite a few members join, and become such hot commodities that every ship wants them to have a character aboard.  In that sort of scenario, it's really hard to maintain a high level of quality or posting frequency.

10. Who is your favorite SuperFriend and why?
Lackie: Well, in my SNNHN interview, I said Napoleon III. I'd like to amend that answer, however, and declare that my new favorite SuperFriend is Vicente Fox, El Presidente Electo de Mexico. Why Vicente Fox? Because when speaking about Mexican politics (as I'm known to at great length), I don't have to affect an accent when I say the President's name. Way to go, Vicente!
Moss: The Flash ... You have to appreciate a superhero who's able to travel at supersonic speeds without polluting the environment.

Bromilow/Burchett: Score one for alliteration

The Fleet Five duo of "Bivalve" Bromilow and "Burgoisie" Burchett is, by all accounts, the first all-female presidential ticket in STF history. One's a FComm, the other a CO. One comes from the Land Down Under (not Florida), the other hails from the States. Does anyone else see a sitcom emerging? In between fighting off deals from the major networks (including Spanish-language giant Telemundo - ¡qué sorpresa!), Bromilow and Burchett must devote time to their Fleet Four and Five ships, Starbase 202 and the Genesis, respectively. This interview will go beyond the COs and the cheap sitcom deals to the real candidates; maybe we'll hit a movie contract on the way out.

1. Richard Simmons.  Where did we go wrong?
Bromilow: Lol my hubby says it's taking the fork and eating too much <G> (if it's that fat council  guy).

2. What are your views on Fleet 7?  Good idea, bad idea, what?
Bromilow: I support the idea of Fleet 7, as I think we need to keep STF growing. But I believe we need to do it slowly,  one ship at a time in an existing Fleet, to get it off the ground first. Then moving it to the new Fleet, this way it is not a sudden drain on personel or GM's.

3. Do you really believe that someone can pull a quarter out of your ear?
Bromilow: Lol sure I believe in magic, dragons and magic castles somewhere out there maybe in the land of Xanth <VVBG>.

4. Do you support so-called "GMDevolution"?  Why or why not?
Bromilow: That I do, I feel the ships and Fleets have grown large enough that it is a heavy burden for only one or two people to be expected to carry. Spreading it out into the Fleets would lessen this strain.

5. Wanna play "charades"?
Bromilow: Nah, but would love to play Pachisi!

6. What is the thing that you, as a candidate, can give to STF that no other candidate can?
Bromilow: I can give my drive and love of Star-fleet. My unflagging interest in ensuring and finding ways to make sure that STF stays healthy and strong.

7. In a no-holds-barred cage match, who would win: undefeated former heavyweight champion Rocky Marciano, or legendary gourmet chef Julia Child?
Bromilow: I think I would go for Julia Child, she would have the butter to put on Rocky and he wouldn't be able to get a grip on her <G>.

8. Why do you think STF has a problem with retaining new members?  How would you solve this problem?
Bromilow: I think that we do have a problem retaining new members but as to the reason why, I think that is very complicated and most likely a  variety of reasons most of which we can only try to surmise. Some of the reasons that I myself feel for his problem are as follows: - newbies feeling overwelmed perhaps, in being in a new media and not understanding it. 1) Feeling that their posts or attempts to get involved on  a new ship are not being noted or responded to. 2) Feeling that there is no place for advancement. 3) Not feeling welcomed, or intimidated by older members. But I also feel we are dealing with it well with the NMC council, The Ensign's Guide, welcoming letters, and Mentors. We have put in place as much support for new members as possible. I would continue this and look for any other possible ways we could do more. I also think that with the belief that Niki and I have in that we need to address the issue of having available more positions for advancements that this may address some of the frustration of advancement that newbies feel.

9. If elected, would you impose a limit on characters per person?  Why or why not?
Bromilow: No I would not.  People come here to role-play and have fun. I think part of learning how to do that well is the possibility of having a variety of characters. I have often seen newbies take on more characters than they can handle (I have done it myself), but overtime they do pare down and find their own rhythmn and limit.

10. Who is your favorite SuperFriend and why?
Bromilow: Hmm my favorite SuperFriend would have be quite unconventional but I would choose Steven Seagal:) He is handy to have around though rather dangerous:) (I know you were expecting Batman or someone like that:)

Hobday/Steen: The 'NMC chairmen' ticket

It's true. Both candidates here are former chairmen of the New Members Council. Both know the plight of the new ensign. And both know how to party like it's 2399! "Heretic" Hobday is the current NMC chairman; "Survivor" Steen was the second chairman after "Boisterous" Bromilow, another fellow candidate. As of yet, this ticket, endorsed by SNN Deputy Editor and Chimney Sweep Larry "If I owned a farmhouse in Mentor, Ohio, I'd be James A." Garfield, does not yet have a web site. They do have something better, though: a plan, coupled with willpower and lots of "soft money" contributions.

1. Richard Simmons.  Where did we go wrong?
Hobday: McDonalds, obviously.  You create the world's largest junk food institution, you need an idiot like Simmons to help us all get rid of the excess fat intake. We in the UK just wouldn't let him broadcast, since we're far too civilised. <g>

2. What are your views on Fleet 7?  Good idea, bad idea, what?
Hobday: In principle, it's a very good idea.  We have more ships, we involve more people.  The more people we involve, the more people we retain.  We should go ahead when STF7 is a viable - that means, being sure we have the right kind of ships, a couple of good COs and GMs, and some good up-and-coming DHs, and the right GMDept structure to facilitate the new Fleet.  We'd probably better achieve STF7 by a mix of transferral from existing Fleets and then addition of a new ship - e.g., add another ship to an existing Fleet; then, later, transfer it and one ship from STF2 (the largest Fleet) to STF7 and commission a new ship for the new Fleee right GMDept structure to facilitate the new Fleet.  We'd probably better achieve STF7 by a mix of transferral from existing Fleets and then addition of a new ship - e.g., add another ship to an existing Fleet; then, later, transfer it and one ship from STF2 (the largest Fleet) to STF7 and commission a new ship for the new Fleet.

3. Do you really believe that someone can pull a quarter out of your ear?
Hobday: Only if I were to visit the bank first.  Perhaps a five-pence piece would do just as well?

4. Do you support so-called "GMDevolution"?  Why or why not?
Hobday: Yes.  We ask our FComms to look after five or six ships, one of which they command, with an AFComm; we ask our GMDir to look after thirty ships of differing sizes, shapes and statuses with only one AGMDir.  That's a too heavy load on the current structure, and needs to be changed.

5. Wanna play "charades"?
Hobday: Only if Britney's there. <bg>

6. What is the thing that you, as a candidate, can give to STF that no other candidate can?
Hobday: Tough one.  A large blank cheque for the SNN Editors to back us? <bg> Seriously, a communicative and consensual approach, shown in my work at NMC, with good experience of STF administration and RPing, but combining this with a lack of political baggage and a real fresh outlook on many long-standing issues.

7. In a no-holds-barred cage match, who would win: undefeated former heavyweight champion Rocky Marciano, or legendary gourmet chef Julia Child?
Hobday: The chef.  Julia'd be vicious with a meat-cleaver.

8. Why do you think STF has a problem with retaining new members?  How would you solve this problem?
Hobday: The answer is that any number of factors may well coalesce in a new member's decision not to post or to post then leave. In terms of response, Ralf and my work in encouraging people like Taliyah Campbell at the NMC along has led to the implementation of the Mentor Program, which will provide newbies with a helping hand, and should assist in new members overcoming the problems of arriving new to STF or RPing. Projects such as the FAQ and the NMC's Ensigns' Guide also offer advice on how to get started in RPing, and these are helping new members start off. There can, however, be no substitute for each new member being emailed as soon as possible after their posting by the CO/XO and their DH, welcoming them aboard, giving them a sim update, offering suggestions for that first post and expressing that their inbox is open if the newbie has queries, no matter how silly they may seem.  That's what I've tried to do on the Monty, and our retention rate is much improved.

9. If elected, would you impose a limit on characters per person?  Why or why not?
Hobday: No.  There doesn't seem to be a problem with this at the moment; as long as each CO of each character is happy that character is meeting the requirements of sufficient, regular posting, there's no reason why they shouldn't have as many characters as their time and inclination will allow.

10. Who is your favorite SuperFriend and why?
Hobday: It would have to be Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Anyone with a green lightsaber is cool.

Bob Hope: no information; this person may not even exist

Several elections ago, SNN Headline News reported on the candidacy of Bob Hope, former comedian and PSO regular. At the time, we noted that there was "no information. This person may not even exist." For this election, we scoured the archives at SNN Center (and another building where we have part of a floor dedicated to archives -- we used to be housed there, you see) and discovered that there really was no information about Bob Hope. It is believed that he is not a member of STF, but there are no rules requiring that candidates be members of STF. We asked Election Coordinator Mike "Just give me a minute while I fix this loose" Bourdaa about Bob Hope. He replied, "Bob Hope? Of course! He's running on the 'no-NMC, no-GMDevolution, no-cabinet' ticket." Despite Hope's authoritarian outlook, he could not be reached for interview.

UNWANTED OPINIONS

'Soft money' contributions must stop
By H. Simon Gregory

Election Season is in full swing, and with that election comes fundrasining. Each candiate must hold charity dinners and the like to raise the enormous amount of money required to run for President of STF. In The Year 2000, the cost was $10 million to get elected. Here in 2377, the cost has jumped to $50 trillion ... and that doesn't even guarantee that one will be voted into office! Campaign fundraising laws stipulate that no one person can give more than $6 million, which is a drop in the proverbial bathtub for the candidates.

As such, many candidates receive so-called "soft money" contributions. This money is highly illegal, and comes in the form of pillows, bedclothes, regular clothes, and other soft things. The money is woven into the fabric or, in the case of stuffed animals, stuffed inside the animal, to be taken out by the candidate. While a stuffed elephant may look innocent enough, inside is enough cold, hard cash to get a candidate through several weeks' worth of electioneering.

These "soft money" contributions were uncovered by SNN's resident drunk, Timmy O'Toole. "I were cleanin' out me locker," recalls O'Toole, "when I found me a stuffed piggy in thar. In my drunken stupor, I thought it might be a pretty woman. My suspicions were further enhanced when the piggy didn't respond to me pick-up lines. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that it were a stuffed animal. In my rage, I ripped it open, and millions of dollars fell out. There were also a note, which read, 'From Larry, To Seamus -- You'd better win.' I reported the pig stolen, but kept the money for meself."

There it is. The Hughes Election of '99 was a sham, perpetrated by people who smuggled trillions of dollars into the campaign inside anything soft -- clothes, stuffed animals, bedsheets. The preserved head of former Senator John McCain had only this to say: "See, I told you so! It told you it would get worse, and it did!" The glass jar containing Mr. McCain's head then rolled off the table and onto the floor, subsequently rolling right out the door ... but you know the song.

Now, in the STF Summer Elections 2000, we must ask ourselves if our candidates are the types who could be easily swayed by money. Obviously they all have their price, but what is it? And, are we safe from stuffed animals and pajamas that may have billions in "soft money" contributions sewn into them? The answers, in order, are: $50 trillion and no. Before you vote for a candidate, think for a moment about his (or her) morals, and just how many "charity dinners" have been held where attendees have been asked to bring lots of mink coats. Coincidence, or illegality. You make the call!

WE HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO VOTE!

The saga continues

The trials and tribulations of the Election Season will continue in the next edition of SNN Headline News. Events change quickly, and fortunately, we were able to produce this issue only days after our last one. It just goes to show you how much we care about the public being informed (and getting rid of that nasty infrequent-publication stigma). All the information contained in this issue was up-to-date as it was written; changes were made as events unfolded. You can be sure that the election information in SNN Headline News is as fresh and possible in the ever-changing world of the Election Season.

In this Election Season, a rallying cry is necessary to keep people together and motivated. That's why we have our own motto, one that's over 18 and registered to vote: "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events. We stick to that motto like James "I got a mention in this issue!" Speck sticks to Fleet 3.

Next time, weather permitting, SNN Headline News will bring you the STF Presidential Debates. Come for the analysis, the conclusions, and the halftime show brought to you by Goodyear Tire & Rubber. Also, another tantalizing tidbit from the mind of H. Simon Gregory, coupled with some delightful Headlines that really aren't as important as the elections (unless they deal with the Star Trek X movie; it will star cast members from Next Generation). There's still a whole three weeks left to go in the political process; SNN Headline News urges its readers to exercise their right to vote. A whole lot of beatniks read a whole lot of poems so that they could, twenty years later, produce one of the lowest voting rates in the world. Ah, but we're being cynical again. We'll have to try and stop that.

Send questions, comments, or concerns (no critcisms, please; they make us vote late and infrequently) to the Grand Poobah.

Grand Poobah: Mark "I was born to vote!" Wilson
Staff Columnist: H. Simon Gregory
The Last of the Stuart Monarchs: William and Mary of Orange

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