Moss no longer grows in STF

In a heart-felt and saddening display, STF FComm-5 Brian "Werewolf" Moss resigned last week, citing the need for an iLOA (which is not the new LOA designed by Apple, mind you). Prior to his resignation, Moss posted a message to the CML in which he stated that he would have to take said iLOA. Later, in Command, Moss wrote that he would resign all of his characters. Moss, a former FComm-5, Victorious XO, GMDir, and Vice-President, will be missed by the many friends he made during his two years with STF (especially those who owe him money, who will track him down and beat him with a loaf of stale French bread).

But this story isn't just about Brian "Poltergeist" Moss (his name gave us the most clever title, you see); it's also about the numerous resignations and iLOAs that have been plaguing STF for the past two weeks. STF institution Mike "Homicidal maniac" Ballway, who had been AWOL for several weeks, posted a note indicating that he was taking an iLOA, but more or less stating that he had resigned for the time being. SNN regrets the loss of its intrepid Executive Editor and wonders how WeBBsights will continue.

Also resigning last week was Paul "Count Dracula" Jones, AFComm-4, and Doug "Nessie" Van Ness, who appears to be AWOL. SNN Headline News could only wonder why there were so many resignations occurring. To find out, Lance Eddington interviewed STF Personnel Director Greg "When you try to drink my blood, it really" Hertzsch. "Those cotton-pickin' fellers left 'cause they couldn't handle the GMDF Man!" Unfortunately, Eddington never did find out why the resignations were happening. Instead, he postulated that a combination of busy lives and too many leadership positions were doing in STF's command. "These folks just immerse themselves in Command positions, and when they have other things to do, they just can't handle it. When will people learn that it's not about how many positions you have, but about how well you serve in them?" Eddington then shed a single tear and wondered why can't all "just get along."

With all the resignations that are facing STF, someone has to fill in for those who leave. Hence Edicts 15, 16, and 17, tentatively titled "The Reconstruction Edicts." Edicts 15 and 17 replaced the outgoing Brian "Frankenschteen" Moss with Dustin "Abandoned castle" Bukowski as FComm-5 and Scott Dale "Creature of the night" Robison as Lackie's Partner in Crime. Edict 16 (one of few that did not deal with Brian "I eat up more news this way" Moss) replaced the AWOL Doug "Nessie" Van Ness with Bret "Zombie" Godfrey as CO of the USS Seraph.

CML moves to Krypton; Superman says, 'Don't say I didn't warn you'

With all the change happening in STF these days, it was bound to happen sooner or later that the Command Mailing List -- that which we look to for some sort of permanance -- changes, also. STF quasi-Coder Mike "Devil incarnate" Bourdaa sent a message to the CML last week noting that the machine which handled the mailing list, Delta, was unstable and "could erupt any second." Taking the pragmatic approach, Bourdaa moved the CML to another machine, Krypton, noting that it was more stable. USS Daily Planet CO Clark Kent, in a letter to SNN, wrote that "the Krypton machine is a very bad idea. If you thought Delta was unstable, wait until Krypton explodes, destroying an advanced civilization in the process. Ah, but I've said too much." Subscribers to the CML will not have to do anything; the change will be automatic and, in fact, has already happened. Ooh, weren't paying attention, were you? Hmm?

Fleet Beat celebrates first anniversary with deletion from Media MOTD

It coulda been a contender! Fleet Beat, that periodical that would have been the legacy of the SNN empire long after WeBBsights went off the air and Headline News was bought out by Dunkin' Donuts, celebrated its first anniversary on Oct. 9. It was then summarily deleted. You see, Fleet Beat was also celebrating its first issue ... again. It has won the record for the longest time in between issues, with exactly one year to its credit. Fleet Beat phased out of this plane of existence at about the time WS began experiencing its problems with updating. "What this means," said Fleet Beat director of marketing and former Wisconsin governor Robert "Fighting Bob" LaFolette, "is that SNN will not be able to get a strangle-hold on the fleet report market, something that we had long wanted. Instead, individual fleets will have to report their happenings. I guess if you're not a Democratic maniac for centralization like some ... other ... deputy editors, you wouldn't care that much." Headline News later learned that LaFolette was run over "accidentally" by Larry "The undead Bill Gates" Garfield's personal shuttlecraft. Coincidence? For the sake of our lives, we'll say "yes."

"Well, here we are," Bobo said to Grotto as he indicated Stateroom #10, deck 2. "Our new home for the next eight days."

"Shyeah ... home," Grotto said, stepping forward, and clanging his face against the door.

"Ahem ... allow me." Bobo said, passing the travel chip in front of the door, swishing them open as a result.

"Oh ..." Grotto seemed to be searching for his.

Bobo stepped inside ... and immediately backed out. "Whoa!" he said. "Tellarites."

"Huh?" Grotto asked.

"Tellarites were in our room ... I can smell their stink anywhere," he said.

Grotto sniffed. "Ewww ... smells kinda like sweat."

Bobo's eye's cleared up, and he looked in the room again. "What?! BUNKS!" Inside the smallish room were two sets of bunk-beds with conventional bedding. At the far end was a small sonic-sink with a mirror above it with a sign posted on it: "Lavatories and shower facilities are located on deck fourteen, aft."

"I've got the top bunk," Grotto said as he rushed in, shoving Bobo to the side.

Bobo shook his head once he regained his composure. "I should have known," he said to himself, wondering why he took a Ferengi Travel line, Nas. The ticket was cheap. PREMIER SERVICE CARRIER ... hah!

Bobo picked up his duffel, and walked into the room. The doors swishing closed.

Ask any member of Command what he does in STF, and he'll be happy to rattle of a gigantic list of Command positions, from FComm-25 to GM on the Apparition. It's clear that STFians take pride in being involved in a lot of things around here, and that's good; most of the time, the folks that run all these operations are veterans that know what they're doing. Of late, though, this has been the rule rather than the exception and has had disastrous consequences in the long run.

We won't name names (you know who you are, though), but there are several folks that have a hand in every Cabinet department and several ships in each fleet, as well as a variety of STF projects. This kind of dedication requires a large amount of time and if said persons do the same thing in real life, something will have to give, and it will usually be STF, as in the case of Mike "Ballhead" Ballway, who was Constellation CO, FComm-2, a GM on a few ships, as well as SNN Executive Editor. At the College of the Holy Cross (near Woods Hole), Ballway also had a hand in many of the media organizations. The result? An AWOL that lasted three months and a sporadic return to STF (Mr. Ballway has recently taken an indefinite leave of absence).

There's nothing morally or ethically wrong with dabbling in everything, but in the long run, attempting to be a jack-of-all-trades can be harmful. As the title of this article says, if you have a finger in every pool, you're not going to get wet. In other words, being involved a little bit in every organization isn't as good for you as jumping into just one (or maybe even a few) organizations. I see it all the time back here at Mentor High; the same people try to jump into every organization, usually just so they can write down on their college transcript that they were involved in lots of organizations. Where does this lead them? Being involved in organizations is supposed to be a fulfilling experience, but when schedule-juggling becomes as difficult as chainsaw-juggling, it's time to step back and look at whether or not you're getting anything out of your predicament.

Especially in STF, it seems rather absurd. Why have a hand in everything? For whom will this look good? The personnel manager at Microsoft doesn't care that you were an FComm-25, EDir, GMDir, and CO of the Apparition. Future STFians won't care either, since I hypothesize that it's a legacy these folks are after. Legacies in STF don't happen because you've been a director of eight departments and done nothing significant for them; legacies happen by being a director of one department and doing something great for that one department, or for STF in general. It's time for those who dabble in everything step back and cut down; these people are valuable assets to STF, and we don't want to lose them because they're too busy to participate in this great club. It would be better for them to be a CMO on the Apparition and still be in the club than for them to be the head of every cabinet department and have them leave. Be involved, but don't be so involved that you find yourself wondering why you're juggling chainsaws.

Frankenstein: just misunderstood

These days, kids get all their scares from the TV and the movies. Does no one get normal scares by going to haunted castles and the like? Apparently not, since we found Dr. Victor Frankenstein wandering the streets near SNN Center wearing a sign that said "Will create abberations for food." We took in the good Doctor and chained him to a post while we asked him interview questions. After much writhing and attempting to escape, he decided it would be best for him if he just answered the questions.

Ahhhh!

Sure, it's a lame way to end the piece, but we ran out of money toward the end (that shiny new graphic up top cost us an arm and a leg. And with this being the Halloween edition, we're not kidding). But, to this issue's credit, it's one of the most complete we've ever had: not only does it include a column AND a serial, but also an interview! And when was the last time you saw one of those?

As always, we stick like wet blood to our undead Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events. SNN cannot be held responsible if said Journalistic Motto begins to go on a brain-eating rampage. So it goes.

Next time, in our fan-fughu-tacular 59th issue, the folks down here will be ready for some hearty home-town cookin'. That's right; you'll be reading our extra-special Thanksgiving issue, which should clear up many misconceived myths about America's favorite excuse to gain weight (and go shopping the day after ... it sounds like a bizarre eating disorder). Until that time, SNN Headline News wishes its readers - yes, both of you - a happy and safe Halloween. Whatever you do, PLEASE don't disturb the graves of the undead. They get very irritable when they're woken early.